Shiloh’s Birth Story

I like to think I’m pretty tough for a girly girl. I don’t like to complain when I get hurt and I’m not afraid to push myself to the uncomfortable. I used to think that running a marathon was the hardest thing I ever did… Twice. I’m not saying that to toot my horn, actually it’s the opposite. I realized these things paled in comparison to what so many women in my life whom I love and respect have done – childbirth. 

When we found out about Shiloh, I became enthralled with birth stories. They made me cry and laugh and completely exploited my temperamental pregnancy hormones (which btw, have yet to recover). Or maybe they just helped uncover a new layer I didn’t know I had. To be honest, I didn’t totally get why someone would be so willing to share their story with a total stranger. But I get it now. For me, sharing Shiloh’s birth story is a way of reliving the most amazing moment in my life, memorializing her first of many stories, and helping other Mama’s who are and are yet to be. Because now I know the hardest thing I’ve ever done isn’t running a marathon, it’s having a baby. I walked out of the hospital with Shiloh as a medal and stitches as a battle wound. 

So, here’s Shiloh’s story. It’s long and detailed and told exactly the way I have replayed it in my mind almost everyday for the past eleven weeks. 

My due date was supposed to be Saturday, May 11. Two days before I woke up at 5 am with the sharpest cramping to my lower abdomen that seemed to last forever. Except when I got up and walked around, they went away. I kept having the all-too-familiar Braxton Hicks contractions, but it was nothing to even mention. I was kinda heartbroken since I was impatient to meet this little girl. At my last two weekly doctor appointments I was only at one centimeter. My due date came and went. Despite a 3 mile walk and workout at the gym…nothing. Sunday morning I woke up with the same pains, and again they went away when I got up and walked around. What did linger though was a general achiness in my lower back. Occasional cramps would pop up but they were so sporadic and mild it was hard to keep track of them. To be honest, I had no clue if this was real labor or not. That’s about when I enlisted the help of Pinterest (true story haha). Did you know there’s so much info about using acupressure to regulate labor?  Personally I’ve had great results with acupuncture which is closely related, so I figured – I’m full-term, why not try it. 

Real or not??

By mid-morning not much had changed but we decided to give the doc a call. I still couldn’t give an answer as to how far apart the contractions were because sometimes there was an ache in my lower back and sometimes it was in my abdomen…which were the contractions? Both of them? Neither? Then she asked how active the baby was. In all my internal deliberation of how far apart my questionable contractions were, I never paid attention to the fact that I hadn’t noticed any movement from my usually incredibly active baby. My doctor calmly recommended to go to the hospital just to check on my babe and then see what the contractions were like. 

We arrived at 1250pm on Sunday, May 12th and they were expecting our arrival. They placed me on the fetal monitor and we could all see and hear that our little peanut had a very strong and regular heartbeat. Such a relief! I remember the nurse then asked me the dreaded question “when was your last contraction”, to which I answered as honestly as possible – “somewhere between 10 minutes and 45 minutes ago”. Ha! That is the answer of someone NOT in tune with their body I laughed. At this point I was only 2 centimeters dilated (and working those acupressure points like crazy!). But then I felt one of those teeny tiny rises of discomfort. “I think this is one?” Yep, yep it was. And then just like that my contractions broke into a beat of every three minutes without fail. It was soooo crazy to think my body was on autopilot to expel this little human from the only world she had ever known – so safe and warm and dim – into a bright noisy world full of new experiences. Since my contractions became so regular, they opted to keep me, but made it clear this would likely be a long event so get as much rest as possible early on. 

We called our family in NJ and CT to let them know we were staying at the hospital but they weren’t expecting Shiloh to be delivered until the next day. Then we entered the most surreally beautiful phase of this experience. For the next few hours it was just Matt and I walking around, reminiscing about the years and experiences we had been through. It’s with such clarity I remember these moments, and thinking this – these moments right here – they are the last moments we will ever share as a family of two. All those months of preparation I had spent dwelling on what labor would be like, and what it will feel like to hold our tiny baby for the first time. I never thought about how special those moments are when you know your world as you know it is about to change. 

My Birth Plan

Seeing as I had never done this before and had no clue what to expect, my plan was to just take it as it comes. Maybe an epidural, maybe not. Probably no tub but who knows in the moment. The only thing I did want was to be able to walk around for at least a part of the time. As we strolled the halls we stopped at a really beautiful picture of a newborn, just as a worried and pale faced man came bolting out of the room near it, chased out by the screams of a woman in the thick of a contraction. “Oh man this is terrible, like really really awful man…I don’t even know how we’re going to do this” he was saying to my husband as if Matt was his coach. Then he focused on me and stuttered some retraction along the lines of “but you’ll do fine”. Maybe I should have been terrified but I had to chuckle at the scenario as Matt shuffled us back to the security of our room. By this time the contractions were pretty intense, but I remember saying to Matt, this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. That’s because it was only 3pm, and little did I know how quick things were going to pick up.

By 340pm I told the nurse I may possibly consider getting an epidural. By 350 I thought I might want the epidural within the next hour. By 4pm I asked if I could get it in the next half hour. And by 410 I was almost begging for it. My nurse was amazing and told me she had called for anesthesia when I first mentioned the possibility. Clearly she had been through this before. The doctor came in and checked me, I had jumped to 6 centimeters in 3 hours…things were moving along quicker than we all thought! At this point I had never experienced anything like the pain of these contractions. It was an intense flooding that gripped my entire lower back and abdomen, making my legs tremble. I was nauseous, sweating and shivering, wanting to have my back rubbed and then not able to tolerate touch all at once. But there was always a brief moment right before the contraction peaked where I could prepare myself for what was coming. 

Then the most random thing of this whole experience…

During one of these moments before the contraction a med student popped in to introduce herself. “How are you doing?” she asked. “Contractions terrible, one coming” was all I could get out before it hit. “Okey dokey, well why don’t you just tell me what happened here?” Wait WHAT? You do know you’re in a labor and delivery suite, right? I think what happened is pretty obvious…

I couldn’t look at anyone, let alone talk, but I could tell from the change in pressure of Matt’s hand on my back and the snicker from the nurse that yes indeed I had heard the most ridiculous question ever. “Well…” Matt answered in a voice much more patient than the one I was using in my head, “my wife is pregnant, and she’s having contractions…” he trailed off.  The med student attempted further bizarre questioning, to which Matt said I waved her out of my room as if something smelled bad. I’m generally a really nice person (I like to think) but that convo needed to end quickly.

The epidural…

Somewhere between 430 and 5pm anesthesia was in my room ready to place the epidural. The hardest part is keeping still through the short procedure. He was able to start placing it as soon as one contraction ended, and was almost done as the next one began. Still, my legs were trembling and as I tried to keep still through it. I’m not sure how far apart the contractions were by this point but they were close! Unfortunately, the first epidural ended up in a blood vessel – something completely random and unpredictable. The actual placing of the epidural was not bad at all. I could barely feel it! But then again, maybe it’s all relative to the pain I was experiencing. I know everyone’s experience is different but I am so happy I opted to get one. I’m all about keeping things natural and a HUGE shout out to the mamas who didn’t get an epidural. Personally, I also really wanted to enjoy this experience or at least not be traumatized by it.  I was able to still feel the pressure of the contraction, wiggle my toes, and move my legs, but it wasn’t associated with the same debilitating pain. I never experienced a slowing of labor or pain at the epidural site during or after it was placed – something that a lot of women (myself included) are concerned about. I did however need to spend a few minutes on oxygen and needed a med to boost my blood pressure. Within the next hour my water broke naturally. SO. BIZARRE. Matt looked at me and was like – what was that sound?! Hahaha it sounded like a water balloon popped! 

It’s go time.

Over the next hour our families had arrived, it meant the world to us that they could be there. By 730 I was 10 cm and they asked if I felt like pushing. I had no clue what I was supposed to feel so we gave it a go. That’s when I found out this baby girl was wedged in face up. That explained the awful back labor (I learned the two are related!). I was told it would be extra tough to get her out since her head would not be forced into the smallest position, and I had to push her over my pelvis which was basically acting like a giant speed-bump for her. All of this would make her feel like she was at least a pound heavier. The team was super supportive when they explained the struggle I was facing, and that often times when babies are in this position they need to be delivered by c-section. I was so happy to have been so informed about the whole scenario because it brought some fuel to my tired body.   

After just one or two pushes we decided to wait and let her naturally descend a bit more, so for the next hour or so I sat upright and occasionally pushed on contractions to help this baby down. It was a little after 830 pm we decided to try pushing again. The contractions were pretty intense, despite the epidural. I don’t know how many times I pushed, but I did so on every contraction with as much power as I could muster up. I always thought that you push and the baby hangs out at that spot, then you push again and they squeeze down a little further, and so on. Maybe it was her positioning but that was not the case for me. It was like a frustrating game of peek-a-boo where she would start to come out then disappear (wrong way baby girl!!). FINALLY I pushed and she cleared the speed bump and stayed put and Oh. My. Goodness. I had never felt pain like that. At the very end of this experience we realized the epidural fell out, maybe that’s why it hurt so much? Either way, the epidural served it’s purpose of giving me the relief I needed.

After she cleared that “speed bump” I remember looking at Matt and asking if they could put her back so I could just have a c-section. He swears I never said that, but I most definitely was thinking it. After a few more contractions the rational part of my brain finally took over and I thought “the only way out of this is through it”, so during the next contraction I gave it my all. At first it was just her head with her left hand on her face (still her choice sleeping position) and the contraction had ended but I remember feeling so panicky that I couldn’t leave her half-way into this whole thing so I kept pushing. 

After about a total of 45 minutes of pushing, her tiny body, so gray and limp, came out. Within moments she gave a cry and pinked right up. That first moment when she cried out, my heart was completely overwhelmed and I knew we would never feel or think or act the same. This tiny person needed me, and I needed her. They laid her on my chest as I was sobbing, and she stopped crying and lifted her tiny wobbly head and looked around. There simply isn’t a word or even combination of words to describe this moment. There’s joy, contentment, excitement, fear, awe…so many raw and new emotions…that I just sat back and soaked in all these new feelings as Matt cut the cord and I got stitched up from the second degree tear. Despite the pain that was unreal in the moment, it now seemed inconsequential. I remember thinking “that wasn’t so bad, I could do that again”.

Shiloh’s Dad, both Grandmothers, and her Auntie all got to be there when she came into this world, and for that I am so grateful. Moments after she was born we were joined by the rest of our family and friends as close as family. Matt and I shared the most special time together before everyone arrived, but then it was about Shiloh, and her being surrounded by people who are going to love and support her every step of the way from her very first breath on. A little over 8 hours after arriving at the hospital, Shiloh was born.

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A huge thank you to the amazing team of docs and nurses at St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center for how they helped us through this transition.

And last but definitely not least…our gratitude overflows to Jon and Maegan for capturing this special time.

Shiloh Harper Sweeney   Born May 12, 2019 at 921 pm   7 lb 10 oz + 21 inches of pure sweetness